The Things/Feelings, I Think, I Believe In

 Love

Where did this word come from? who uttered it for the first time? For whom? For what thing? What feeling? What for? I do not know or maybe I am still in process of knowing it. It is an occult, a mystery. I hear many people pronouncing this word. I say pronounce because it doesn’t refer to any one thing/feeling; concrete/abstract. It is a signifier(s) and its signified slides incessantly and it differs at every mind so much so it remains a word without any one referent. Water, fire, sea, mercury, sand, desert, bird, dirt, nestle, alone, and so on and so forth. Whenever I try to make sense of it, my friend the Unconscious start vomiting these all similes, metaphors, metonymies et cetra that are being injected into him every now and then. I don't know why he cannot stay calm as a peaceful lake. Nowadays, he is engaged in shaping the concept of Love for me in dreams. Sometimes, he becomes Byron, singing "She walks in beauty~". Sometimes, he brings THE beauty (forgive me for confining "you" to this word) and I found her sitting besides me, talking or at least it feels like we are talking. (GOD!! These dreams are so confusing. I don't remember what exactly I do in them every time, and so real that they transcend reality as if reality exists only in there, in core of them!) And then the talk, THE beauty, (perhaps!) the love vanishes abruptly leaving my eyes open and my-whole-self wondering and smiling. Anyways, I'm not in a dream right now (or it could be a "dream within a dream") and I'm damn sure about it, BUT it felt like I was about to fall into some dream. Its hard. Its harder!! to stay with language in this linguistically caged world. Where was I? Opss! Love's vanished again. Let's try on another thing/feeling before it returns.

Abstract

Well, I'm annoyed with this word forever. This term is an occult too. And it directly implies towards mysteries. Just look at the pronunciation yr!  Aab-ss-ta-rey-kk-tt!! Does it makes any sense to you? What? What 'woi'? Believe me it has not any one referent too. Okay you mean No? Right? Yes, No! This is because it refers to anything/feeling that is senseless (beyond our meaning making system). It makes me happy for one reason that it hits hard. It hits harder!! at our reasoning self. Heyyyy!!! If abstract is not making any sense then let's try on 'Reason' perhaps our reason(ing) could make any sense.

Reason

I believe everything/feeling has a reason behind its being. It could be any reason but there is always one. It needs our reason to get to the reason of every(t/f). This process is reasoning. One of my mentors once said, people don't undergo reasoning process because it makes one think. Think hard. Think harder!! And to think is to suffer. People avoid suffering. I believe and suffer that suffering is better for it grooms our reasoning self. It takes you towards disagreements and agreements. But yr! Reason is also associated with mind. What the heck!! This is taking us to another ambiguity which is that the reasoning self varies person to person. Hence, an agreement prevails. It means I agree that everyone is reasonable and agrees on reason. Reason is boring for me. I only agree that nothing WAS/IS/WILL BE without reason. That’s all I know on Earth, and all I need to know (I'm sorry Keats). Let's agree to go with the agreement now.

Agreement

It is toooooo humble to agree. But its hard. Its harder!! To agree too. Un/fortunately, my mind always goes with disagreement first and then comes the belated agreement. Agreement is the most precious and expensive thing/feeling I believe because to believe is to agree or perhaps it is not. Again a disagreement yr!!! Anyways, let's try to stay focused for I cannot stop my dear friend the Unconscious' interruptions. So, the agreement! Agreement has mediated many deputes; greater as well as smaller ones. Agreement means to give and take. Agreement can make peace. What? Yes! I always say hash tag long-live-peace. Agreement removes conflicts by handling, moderating and modifying intentions. Thus, agreement plays on the pitch of intention. Believe me! Agreement is as beautiful as Shadab and his bowling. So now, we should better play on intention for a while.

Intention

I believe intention is innocent. It is manipulated by other things/feelings always. Manipulation makes it hard. Manipulation makes it harder!! I observe people and books saying, "keep your intentions clear/right/virtuous". This teaching has been injected in me since childhood. As I stepped into its practicality, I realized that what goes here is upside down. I always found it confusing to be practical. My clear/righteous/virtuous intentions got manipulated by the same world that has taught me to be so. It does not mean that every(t/f) is wrong and evil. I believe that the clear/right/virtuous does exist but it is also being manipulated same as my clear/righteous/virtuous intentions. Hence, I concluded that intention itself is innocent in the beginning, further stages do not let it be so. Beginning and innocence are very close to the intention. What? What do I believe about beginning? Look! This is a difficult question and my thoughts are already scattered in my mind that has already gone desultory . What! The Unconscious is with me for help? Yes, that's right! Rather alright. Let me try to gather my thoughts on the beginning. I'll try my best to put it across as it comes out.

Beginning

I believe everything/feeling begins from somewhere. Let's take our own example; human beings' life. Our beginning is our birth into this world. We all begin our lives from a day and we call it birthday. We wish everyone a "HAPPY BIRTHDAY" on this day. In my eye, every beginning is a blessing because it offers us new opportunities, a life that is new, a world that is yet to be explored so, its a blessing to have a chance to begin a thing/feeling not from anywhere/one but from somewhere/one. Beginning reminds (or haunts) us of the end as well. I believe that everything/feeling ends but at the same time I believe too that from the beginning to the end, one can contribute to the world, the people, the life, the place, the field, the environment, the climate so that our existence may leave some goodness to these things/feelings. Therefore, the beginning must be so good that its essence shall transcend the end. Hey! I feel I've achieved the purpose of my writing a little while ago. Now, I feel like pausing this thing/feeling until we meet again. Sorry, for keep you bearing these words.

Keep enjoying and contributing!